My first blog

Welcome to our blog!

I've been wanting to start a blog for some time now. I'm very excited to have finally taken the plunge.

I'll start with an over view of my life & explanation of the name of this blog. I'll try to make it brief, but for those who know me, I could talk the pants off a kangaroo & nothing I say is ever brief or lacking detail.

My name is Mandy. My husband Barry & I were married 31st December 2008. We are still newlyweds, so to speak.
There are 3 gorgeous children in our home. We have 'the boys', Jarod (he's 9) & Benjamin (hes 6) who are mine from my first marriage. Then there is Princess Grace. She is Baz's & my little girl & was born in November 2007.

'Living with Rainbows'. A rainbow has different colours to make a single rainbow, one of life's most beautiful natural occurrences. I compare my family to a rainbow. Many differences that, together, make our family the beautiful thing that it is. Each & every one of us brings something unique & brilliant, & without these things, we just wouldn't be the great family that we are.

Baz & I met on the internet about 3 years ago.
He liked my red hair. We got on really well & things progressed. After about 6 weeks, I invited him over for dinner to meet Jarod & Ben. I really liked this guy, so I had to see if the boys liked him too, cos if they didn't he'd have to go & I didn't want to wait any longer as I knew I was falling for him.

I needn't have worried. They loved him from the beginning. Baz comes from a large family (he has 2 brothers & 2 sisters), so had a very eventful childhood, getting up to all kinds of mischief, so he could really relate to the boys & their imaginations.

At first Baz & I would only meet up when the boys were with their Dad (we shared custody), as I didn't want to force anything onto the boys. I wanted to take it slowly for them. Then Baz would come over occassionally on the weekends & see the boys or for an hour or so during the week when the boys were with me so they could get to know each other.

I knew things were getting serious when the boys started asking "Is Bazza coming over today?" & I would say "no, not today" & the boys would beg me to call him & invite him over. This became an almost everyday occurence.

People often asked me in the beginning if the boys & Baz got along. That question always amazed me somewhat, as there's no way on this Earth that I would have brought a man into their lives that they didn't like or if he didn't like my children. I'd have shown him the door straight away.
They also didn't need a father. They already had one of those who they saw half the week.
Baz was a great friend to them & I eventually gave him a key to my house.
Another marker of 'knowing' he was the right man for 'us', was when I came home from work on a Thursday night to find a tyre swing hanging from the big tree in our backyard. My heart melted then & there. Baz had made it with a strong chain & had made it very secure (some would say overkill, but I say brillliant) so it wouldn't fall & was safe for the boys.
That weekend was so much fun. The boys eyes lit up & the tyre swing adventure had started.

Anyway, Baz ended up being at our house almost everyday, as I'd get into trouble from the boys if he wasn't there :)
It's a very scarey thing meeting a new man. It's one thing to find someone that you like & who likes you. But, to find someone who will fit into your childrens lives is another thing altogether.
Bringing someone new into their lives is going to be a life altering thing for them. I'm glad it was Baz that I met. He has altered our lives. In a wonderful way.
We currently have full custody of the boys (nothing nasty, their Dad is in the military & has been posted interstate), so Baz's role has been stepped up a bit. He has to dish out the occassional "time out, go to your room", & the boys protest of course, but at the end of the day, it's all good.

So, now we are married & have a daughter of our own. Grace Emily Lalah Elderfield was born 8 days early on 6th November 2007. I was originally booked into have a c-section the next day (7th Nov, my brothers birthday), but Grace had other ideas. I was in labour when I took the boys to school. I took the bus because my 'braxton hicks' contractions were 5 minutes apart & a bit painful. (after having 2 children already, you'd think i'd have known). Ben was still young & it was a playgroup day. I sat down & had a cup of tea. My friend, my good good friend, Jo is an intensive care & emergency nurse & mother of 2. She knew there was something up. She 'dobbed' on me to another friend, Pauline, who is a midwife. She put a hand on my huge belly & checked my pulse. After a while, Pauline asked me, "how long have these been 5 minutes apart?"
I told her since about 7am. It was now after 9am. She told me that she would feel better if I went to hospital & got checked. I thought I didn't need to as they were only braxton hicks...oh my how silly was I?
My lovely friend Leanne took Ben with her for the day & Jo & Paulines little ones too. Jo drove me in her car & Pauline sat behind me, going through each contraction with me, with reassuring hands. I felt so safe. Jo was driving & timing the contractions on the car clock. I told them to just drop me at the door, but they wouldn't have it. They weren't happy until they handed over 'custody of me' to a midwife. I found out later they were a bit concerned I was going to have the baby in the car. I had no clue. I think I was all set for not having to go through labour that I was in denial or something.
Safe in the hands of a midwife, Jo & Pauline went back to their children, no doubt sighing huge sighs of relief all the way back. :) :) :)
In all of this drama, I'd managed to call Baz at work & tell him he should probably meet me at the hospital, just in case.
Within half an hour of getting to the hospital, the contractions had become very strong & oh so painful. I'll not continue into the pain factor. The lovely Drs & Nurses took me to theatre & I had an emergency c-section. (I'd already had 2 c-sections for health reasons, so it was safer for me to have another one). Baz made it with plenty of time to spare & was there for it all.

A huge baby girl was pulled from my swollen belly. Grace was born 4250g. or 9lb 7 1/2 oz. BIG!
We got a very quick look at her & I kissed her first tear from her face. (yes, tears at birth!)
The midwife said she had to take our baby girl to the nursery to see the Paediatrician. I asked why, as you do. She said because our baby girl was so big, it was routine, then she added "there's something about the way she looks". She looked perfect to us.
"What do you mean?" I asked. "Her eyes & the back of her neck", the midwife said.
I knew immediately what that meant. (I just want to quickly add here that the Midwife said everything she did, in the most thoughtful, caring way. She was lovely).
"They think there's something wrong" I said to Baz. "Go with her & don't let her out of your sight". He didn't need telling, he was already on his way. I lay there, having my belly stitched while they took my baby. I said to the Drs & Nurses around me "They think my baby has Down Syndrome".
I was taken to recovery. The nurse that looked after me there was amazing. I so wish I could remember all their names. After what felt like an eternity, Baz came in to recovery. With him was the Midwife from theatre & a man. The mans name is Dr. Andy McPhee. AKA in our home as "The wonderful Dr McPhee".
Dr McPhee, came to my bedside & with the most perfect bedside manner, told me "I am 99% sure Grace has Down Syndrome". There was only kindness in his voice. He is a brilliant man.
That defining moment is life changing. Hearing those words is something that stays with you forever. So to remember back on that & remember how kind, caring & sensitive Dr McPhee was is something I'll never forget & something I'll always be grateful for.
He didn't say any negative words. There was no "Unfortunately or sorry" There were straight facts. No beating around the bush, just tactful considerate factful words. I now know that he didn't say unfortunately or sorry because there was nothing unfortunate or sorry about it at all. We had just been blessed with an amazing miracle of life. There are no words for how incredibly wonderful & perfect Grace is.

From that point until she was 6 months old, Dr McPhee was Grace's Doctor. And, from birth until our last appointment, he treated Grace & our family with the highest amount of care & respect. What an amazing man. Some people believe in God, some in Karma, some in other things. Myself, I am a Christian. So what ever you believe & understand, I pray & hope that Dr McPhee has a wonderful life & he & his family are blessed with great health & happiness. Dr McPhee did so many kind things for us. Things he probably has no idea of, but it's the small considerate things he did that helped us through. I had no idea about Down Syndrome. I didn't know what it meant. I was scared. He reassured us. In fact, I felt like we were treated like Royalty. He made sure I got to stay with my baby girl in the hospital until she came home with oxygen at 12 days old.

So, after I heard those words. I sobbed. I thought it was for a minute or so. Baz said it was more like 2 sobs. Then I said "I want to see my baby". I needed her & I wanted to hold her in my arms & tell her that it didn't matter. I already loved her. Her Daddy already loved her. I had a very strong urge to feed her at my breast & nurture her & protect her. I didn't want her to fear anything. I wanted her to know I was there & would always be there.
3 hours after she was born I was taken to see Grace. I was able to hold her & kiss her & tell her I loved her. It was the longest 3 hours of my life. Grace was perfect. She still is.

Grace is 17 months old now & wakes everyday with a smile on her face. She laughs constantly all day at everything. Life is wonderful. She is a teacher. Jarod & Ben adore her. She adores them. She laughs at them all the time. Jarod likes to carry her into her room at her bedtime. Ben tries to climb into her cot with her. He'd sleep in there with her if he could. Grace has never been one to cry, so we've never had to pace the hallways with her crying for hours on end.
The only times she has cried for more then half an hour (twice in her life), she has been very sick & was admitted to hospital.

Grace is a calming influence on us all. She makes us smile. She can even calm our 'Bouncy Ben'.
In the January after Grace was born, Ben was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome & ADHD.
I cried all the way home in the car. Tears of relief. It wasn't my fault. I'd thought that his behavioural issues were a result of bad parenting or his Dads & my divorce. I thought I had ruined my little boy.
I hadn't. That afternoon we went straight to the Chemist & bought Bens Tourettes medication. That night was the first night I can remember that Ben went to bed when he was asked & without an argument. He sat still & ate his dinner. Something I had never seen before.
It took many months of trialling different doseages at different times to find a good balance for his meds but it seems finally we are moving in the right direction.

The tics are upsetting. They can sometimes hurt Ben & sometimes I cry when he's asleep or at school. He hates that he can't stop doing his tics. I wish they'd go away.
My 3 children see the same Paediatrician. He is wonderful. He specialises in behavioural disorders & Down Syndrome. I feel he has given me my son back. Ben is no longer just a child with issues. He was so naughty. I could not cope with him. Now, he is Ben. My Ben. Sure, he has some tics & he's very good at tantrums, but he's also brilliant. Ben is smart & funny & caring. He has the most sensitive heart. If Jarod or Grace get hurt, he will cry. He loves his brother & sister with a very intense love. I guess the word intense can be used to describe Ben, in everyway. When his behaviour is bad, it's intense. He can say & do very hurtful things. BUT, Ben loves intensely & cares intensely. He smiles intensely & lives his life with intensity. Not a moment is wasted & he's the biggest ball of energy I've ever seen.

We call him "Bouncy Ben". He's like a rubber bouncy ball. He bounces very high. There's not much he can't do & he has a vivid imagination. He loves jokes & mischief & loves to get dirty. He's a real boy. I love him so much. He is loud too, loud loud loud! hahaha. Jarod has no trouble hearing him, unless he's choosing to have selective hearing.

My first baby was dues on 11th February 2000. That morning I woke at 7am after a great nights sleep. Ouch, my first contraction. I knew there was something different about that pain & the next & the next. It was labour. The contractions weren't exactly evenly spaced, but they were between 5 & 10 mins apart from the first one. (As with all 3 labours).
Jarod was born at 11am that day. I had to have a c-section, but he had made up his mind to arrive on his due date. What a good boy & so he remained. After the first few months of crying (probably more me then Jarod), we had found our feet.
I had a great baby. Very happy & sociable. He liked to do everything perfectly. A perfectionist. He even took his very first steps & kept on walking on his 1st birthday. Brilliant.
Around that time I realised that someting was wrong. I didn't really know what, but my gut was telling me something wasn't right. After 6 months of going back to the Dr, I went to another Dr. I also saw the Early Childhood nurses. I said it's either Jarod or it's me, but I know there's something wrong with him. FINALLY, Jarod was referred to an ear nose & throat specialist & the Early Childhood people gave him a hearing test. Jarod had a moderate hearing loss. That explained alot. Like why Jarod laughed when his Dad would pick him up & make really loud noises right in his face. I would say to stop it because I thought it would scare Jarod, but as it turns out, Jarod loved it as it was probably one of the only sounds he had heard during the day.

At 17 months old, Jarod had his first operation. He's now had 4.
He now has only a mild hearing loss & has a hearing aid he can wear (when he hasn't lost it :)
When he's about 15 he can have another operation & they say they can most likely restore his full hearing. YIPPEEEEEEEE! I love modern medicine.
Jarod also has OCD, but that's another story for a different day. Also, I'm sure he wouldn't want me to write too much about it. It's only a new diagnosis, but something I've known since he was little. There's only so much someone can be a perfectionist until it becomes OCD.
Jarod is smart. He's very intelligent & has intuition & wisdom beyond his years & I love him so much.

So, you can see why I compare my family to a rainbow. It has so many beautiful parts to make it whole.

I didn't intend on writing so much in this first blog, but it's Saturday. The boys are due back tonight, Baz is here & Grace is asleep, so I had the time to write.
I'm not going to proof read this today. So I apologise for any mistakes.

Love Mandy xx














;