Here's a story I wrote about Ben for a fundraising page for the Tourette Syndrome Society of Australia.

Ben, my 9 year old son was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome at the age of 5. Tourette Syndrome is a Neurological Disorder that causes the body to tic with motor, facial & oral tics. In the past 4 years Ben has over come so many hurdles. Tourette Syndrome for Ben means that his body tics, all his waking day. It never stops. Ben has severe tics. Most of the time he can suppress the majority of them until he gets home. But no matter what, they MUST come out. Having 3 children with 'extra' needs & all of them varying, I've had some life experience with a few special needs; Down Syndrome, Aspergers, Tourettes, ADHD, OCD & ODD. I've said many times in the past 4 years if I had a choice to cure one diagnosis that my children have, it would be Tourettes. I would literally give an arm if it meant Ben could have control over his own body again. If we could raise enough money to find a cure for TS without intrusive brain surgery, I would be one very ecstatic Mummy. Tourettes 'steals' Ben away from himself & us & it's so difficult for him to be himself, for his real personality to shine through. Raising this money will raise awareness & awareness raises research, research needs money.... you know how it goes. At the very least I'd love for there to be a way to make Ben's life easier. For those of you who know Ben, you would know him to be cheeky, funny, extremely fit & physically gifted in everything he does. You would also know that he's kind considerate & caring. He's loving & generous & has empathy for others. His school report last year stated that "Ben would be an asset in any classroom, he can make anyone smile." That in itself is an achievement when ones brain loses control of ones body. Ben has to try so much harder then the general population to maintain his demeanour, to focus on his school work (which he does brilliantly :)& we do regular trips to the Chiropractor to get his neck & back realigned as the tics throw them out & cause migraines for him. As for his smile, it's beautiful & lights up the world. I can only imagine the smile on his face when he finds out what we are doing for him and others like Ben who have TS & similar Neurological disorders. And what a better way to raise funds then by doing something to get them! I have weight to lose.... not just a little, but ALOT. By raising money for Ben, I PROMISE to work hard, so I can be the best Mum I can be for my children. Every one who donates will be invited to join a secret group on facebook, with all my weight loss goals & a before photo & a photo each week & weight loss updates. I'll even put my food on there if you want! I'm putting myself out there & making myself vulnerable, just like Ben does, every time he walks out the door. Thank you all SOOO much... Lots-a-love,
Mandy xxxx
ps... I'm making the goal amount $900 because Ben's favourite number is 9.

My interpretation of 'Special Needs'.

I wrote this a while ago.
It's what started me thinking I'd like to blog things like this.

Doesn't everybody have a special need of some sort?
Doesn't everybody have something different from the next person?

I think my heart has special needs. I think I needed to be shown a love like no other. A love that a child with disability brings. I'm not in anyway discounting the love that ANY child brings, but the love and protectiveness I have for my children, I feel, is stronger then the already natural immense feelings of protection that being a mother brings. I now have an even stronger feeling of protectiveness for all my children, and; I'm teaching them that every person is different to the next and there is no such thing as 'normal'.

I am without a doubt certain that I am a much better person now then I was a few years ago. Perhaps I get better with each child.
I am proud of myself for the good I teach my children and I do my best not to dwell on my mistakes...goodness knows we all make them.

And I say SORRY to my children. They need to know that I am only human and making mistakes is just a part of life, and being sorry for something and showing remorse is an amazing experience. It is strengthening for us and such a positive thing to teach.
To say sorry when you are wrong lets your children know that when you say something and stand up for what you believe in and NOT say sorry, shows them that you will defend them and not be weak against those who are cruel and unkind. They will know your strength. Your children will know that you mean what you say and they will feel safe with you because they know your heart, because you have shared it with them and trusted them with it and they in turn, will trust you.

A grudge is a burden that we can carry around without realising it, we are weighed down, anxious and apprehensive about things we are not sure of and certain people can trigger these emotions, even mwntioning their names can often do this.

Remember a grudge only affects you as a person, not the person you hold it against. The feelings you feel for someone, are only felt by you...not them.

Forgiveness is releasing yourself from the burden caused by allowing another persons actions to take place within your heart.

I don't know about you, but I have so much going on in my life and with trying to remember the simple day to day things, I'm not going to let someone whose actions I have allowed to hurt me, ruin my every day.

Forgive them.....then you are free from them. They have no hold on you and you are truly free.

Then...learn from it. Take the good and the bad from the situation and try to see what you can make from it and apply in a positive way to your life.

I am learning these things and enjoying my life with an abundance of happiness and pure joy. Money is not riches. I have little money but I feel I have an abundance of wealth. I have real happiness. I am learning to appreciate what I have and stopping to the smell flowers, to take in life's beauty, to listen, really listen and hear the wonders it speaks.

My children with 'special needs' are teaching me these things every day. (All 3 of my children have special needs).

My heart has special needs and my children have brought their special love and my heart is healing in the most special way.

I like myself these days. I never used to.

I don't mind my own company. I never liked sharing the same skin with myself.

I feel pain and happiness now. I used to be numb because I was too busy despising myself.

The feelings of love I have for my husband, children and the rest of my family are sometimes overwhelming and it's nice to sometimes bask in it and let it fill my emotional glass when it starts to feel half empty.

God has brought me the most precious of gifts. I am honoured. I have wondered if God made a mistake by giving me these wonderful, amazing, remarkable children and husband.
But when I look at my children (and all children for that matter) it's so profound.

GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES.

We all have special needs and those we think have more special needs than ourselves will often be the ones to teach you that you are in fact the one with special needs.

xx Mandy Elderfield xx
23rd March 2009

My teachers. The ones who fill my heart with joy xxx

GOD’S GRACE, MY GRACE.

This is a blog entry I started ages ago & just found in by 'draft folder'. It wasn't finished so I didn't publish it, but I'm going to publish it unfinished..... cos it's my blog and I can! hahaha

Each week in my children's school they have Chapel. Yesterdays sermon was about God's Grace.

It really got me thinking. Up on the screen were the words Grace = God's gift to us. (or something very close to that). And what a gift!

I see God's Grace through my children, all their colours that make our lives more interesting &; I realise that maybe I needed a constant reminder that God is there. He has given me 3 little miracles to remind me.

Grace had her name before she was born, therefore before her diagnosis & before I knew the true meaning of Gods Grace.

Now I see it everyday through my daughter (& of course Jarod & Ben). She is a constant reminder to me of how God wants us to be. Childlike in our faith...which she will probably always be. Giving  and loving...Grace is a constant source of happiness and can make even the grumpiest of people smile...an awesome gift of love. God is determined and never gives up. My little Grace is also very determined and never gives in to her apparent disability. I guess as far as disability goes, she is more able then disabled. What wonderful qualities she has.

I think that the negative attitudes of some people in regards to disability are more disabled then the "disability" itself.

My little Grace is more God like than I will ever be. She will be closer to measuring up to Gods worthiness without even trying, then I could ever be, even with every ounce of effort that I could possibly muster.

My little daughter Grace is an inspiration.

Her determination puts any I have to shame. Her happiness is contagious and she can find happiness in almost everything. She doesn't hold a grudge, she forgives easier than she angers and has an attitude to life that I can only think to describe as awesome.

I have done some things in my life that I am ashamed of. By God's grace, I am forgiven.

The phrase, "blessing in disguise" comes to mind.

When my daughter Grace was born with Down Syndrome, some may have felt sorry for us. Some may think I was being punished. But that couldn't be further from the truth.

I sometimes get the feeling that God wants me to forgive myself and sent me His Grace in the form of my daughter.

I see her as a gift from God. An amazing gift that I often don't feel worthy of having in my life. I'm not being negative, about myself, I am now on a voyage of self discovery as I go through each day. And Grace is a constant reminder that I CAN do it, because God sent her to me, because He knows I can do it.

So, because of God's grace, I am starting to have more self belief. More self esteem and the realisation that I do have some good qualities. Coming from a person who used to self loathe...this is a big step forward. It's not hard to fall back into old bad habits, but I have a constant reminder with me as I go about each day, that God loves me and Grace is a gift from God.

Some people may accept Gods grace in a more simple way, but I think God knew I needed it 'IN MY FACE' all day everyday. So He sent my children to me and to the world. 3 little faces in a world of uncertainty. 3 little faces who are changing the world one by one.

Jarod and Ben also have these wonderful gifts of beautiful attitudes and there are so many things to be learnt from a child with Tourettes Syndrome, ADHD and OCD. A child who can still function with his head stuffed full of "other stuff" that is almost torturous. I may get up and complain about the odd headache or the odd little pain, but really, what is that compared to what my children go through before they have even got out of bed!? Ben is sitting on my lap. It's almost 5am. We've been up since 3:15am. Interesting. He's trying to play a game and has to stop to tic every few seconds, but he still manages to enjoy his game. Amazing.