My interpretation of 'Special Needs'.

I wrote this a while ago.
It's what started me thinking I'd like to blog things like this.

Doesn't everybody have a special need of some sort?
Doesn't everybody have something different from the next person?

I think my heart has special needs. I think I needed to be shown a love like no other. A love that a child with disability brings. I'm not in anyway discounting the love that ANY child brings, but the love and protectiveness I have for my children, I feel, is stronger then the already natural immense feelings of protection that being a mother brings. I now have an even stronger feeling of protectiveness for all my children, and; I'm teaching them that every person is different to the next and there is no such thing as 'normal'.

I am without a doubt certain that I am a much better person now then I was a few years ago. Perhaps I get better with each child.
I am proud of myself for the good I teach my children and I do my best not to dwell on my mistakes...goodness knows we all make them.

And I say SORRY to my children. They need to know that I am only human and making mistakes is just a part of life, and being sorry for something and showing remorse is an amazing experience. It is strengthening for us and such a positive thing to teach.
To say sorry when you are wrong lets your children know that when you say something and stand up for what you believe in and NOT say sorry, shows them that you will defend them and not be weak against those who are cruel and unkind. They will know your strength. Your children will know that you mean what you say and they will feel safe with you because they know your heart, because you have shared it with them and trusted them with it and they in turn, will trust you.

A grudge is a burden that we can carry around without realising it, we are weighed down, anxious and apprehensive about things we are not sure of and certain people can trigger these emotions, even mwntioning their names can often do this.

Remember a grudge only affects you as a person, not the person you hold it against. The feelings you feel for someone, are only felt by you...not them.

Forgiveness is releasing yourself from the burden caused by allowing another persons actions to take place within your heart.

I don't know about you, but I have so much going on in my life and with trying to remember the simple day to day things, I'm not going to let someone whose actions I have allowed to hurt me, ruin my every day.

Forgive them.....then you are free from them. They have no hold on you and you are truly free.

Then...learn from it. Take the good and the bad from the situation and try to see what you can make from it and apply in a positive way to your life.

I am learning these things and enjoying my life with an abundance of happiness and pure joy. Money is not riches. I have little money but I feel I have an abundance of wealth. I have real happiness. I am learning to appreciate what I have and stopping to the smell flowers, to take in life's beauty, to listen, really listen and hear the wonders it speaks.

My children with 'special needs' are teaching me these things every day. (All 3 of my children have special needs).

My heart has special needs and my children have brought their special love and my heart is healing in the most special way.

I like myself these days. I never used to.

I don't mind my own company. I never liked sharing the same skin with myself.

I feel pain and happiness now. I used to be numb because I was too busy despising myself.

The feelings of love I have for my husband, children and the rest of my family are sometimes overwhelming and it's nice to sometimes bask in it and let it fill my emotional glass when it starts to feel half empty.

God has brought me the most precious of gifts. I am honoured. I have wondered if God made a mistake by giving me these wonderful, amazing, remarkable children and husband.
But when I look at my children (and all children for that matter) it's so profound.

GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES.

We all have special needs and those we think have more special needs than ourselves will often be the ones to teach you that you are in fact the one with special needs.

xx Mandy Elderfield xx
23rd March 2009

My teachers. The ones who fill my heart with joy xxx