Who am I?

Hi again everyone,

Who am I is the question I have wanted answered for some time now. I'm sure many of you can relate to it.

I have done so many things in my life good & bad that I spent many years not having a clue who I was. I think the worst part of that were the years that I thought I knew, but I was merely just an existence & not a very good one at that.

These days I like myself more then I used to. I don't abuse my body like I used to. I don't abuse myself mentally so much either (the occasional slip up occurs of course).

BUT TODAY,
Today was an amazing day in my life. Touched by strangers & then coming to the realisation that I was touched by something I did also.

I was in a Christian bookshop today & bought some things & at the service desk, I told the gentleman how wonderful one of the books was & why I was now buying a copy for my Church library. After a brief story about why & how the book had impacted on my life, the man had tears in his eyes & said to me. "You are such a special mother." "I have seen you in here before with your daughter & I thought then that you were a special mother. I didn't know that you had 2 sons also. Now you have confirmed to me what I already thought". I was a bit speechless to say the least. I thanked him very much for his compliments. A mother puts so much guilt upon herself that getting such a profound compliment takes one by surprise & you just say "Thank you".
With that he picks up a piece of paper & hands it to me with the date & his signature on it. It's for a free coffee at the bookshop cafe. I was very very very grateful. I went to sit down & saw a care worker from another church that I used to go to. I sat with him & his friend Fay & we chatted.

THEN, the man that sold me my books & new CD came up to me & placed 2 cards down on the table & said "these are for you, from me".
The first one I read says: You are wonderful in God's eyes-- and in mine!
The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is of great worth in God's sight.
1 Peter 3:4
It has a picture of tulips on it. It's very pretty & I love tulips. Tulips are in Holland & Grace's middle name, Lalah, means Tulip.

The second reads: I am all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
wow.
I enjoyed my coffee & managed to make a couple of new friends while there.

I went home & Grace had a sleep then it was time to pick up the boys from school.
On the way I noticed a mature lady walking down Main North Road away from a car. Considering she was in an isolated area of that road & considering her age, it wasn't hard to see she had broken down.
I couldn't leave her there. It wasn't safe for her. Especially given her age & the fact she was walking in the middle of nowhere. She was vulnerable. She obviously had no phone & she had a good walk before she reached a shop. I pulled the car over as she crossed the road in my direction. I offered to help her. I had no credit on my phone so I said I'd drive her to the next service station or pay phone. She accepted the lift & we drove. She was a lovely lady. I think she said her first name was Marlene. I remember her surname but don't want to write it on here. As we drove I realised that she would have too long to walk to get back to her car as there didn't seem to be anything around. So when we got to somewhere, I bought credit for my phone & called the RAA for her. During this call to them (she didn't want to talk) I had to give them her personal details. She will be 70 in November. Way too grand a lady to be walking that far alone.
We got back into my car & I called the school to let them know I would be late & why & they said they'd look after the boys for me til I got there. (I love that school...but that's another blog all of it's own. I love them all too much for just a few sentences).
Marlene put $10 down in my car. I told her no & told her to put it towards a mobile phone for herself (she KNEW she was in trouble from her family when they found out she broke down & didn't have a mobile phone like they'd been insisting she get).
When I tried to give it back to her, she was crying. I put my hand on her shoulder & said it was ok. Through her tears she said "you helped me". It took a lot for me to keep from crying myself. She said "I was just thinking what could have happened to me but you came & helped me".
I drove this very lovely beautiful lady (who had been out buying a gift for her Grandson) back to her car. The RAA had said they wouldn't be long so I went on my way to get the boys from school.
You wouldn't believe it, but as we got close to the spot I could see the RAA lights flashing & the man getting into his van. Marlene got into her car & drove off just as we went past her.
I almost cried again...yippee, she was on her way home to her family before it got dark & cold.
I am SO overwhelmed today it's incredible.
I did something good, but I didn't realise it at the time, just how much it meant to my new friend. I saw a woman who wasn't safe & I knew I could help her, so I did.
The whole time Gracie was talking & smiling at her new friend too.
I felt moved to the core by her gratefulness & later I realised that I must have touched her heart too. Her parting words were "Thank you & take care of your little ones."

She doesn't realise (& may never) how much she touched my heart & helped me a lot further on my road to finding out who I really am. & the discovery I made today, was a big one & I like it.

None of this I did alone. In fact I didn't make me like this at all.
God made me this way & is put people in my life when I needed it the most. Marlene probably thinks that I helped her & I did, but I'm sure she doesn't know that she helped me too.
Thank you God for making me me.
I still have a long road ahead, but I am so overwhelmed to be travelling on such a loving road.
I have the $10. What do I do with it? Do I donate it to Church tomorrow at the school Chapel service? Or do I donate it to the Down Syndrome Society that has lost so much of their funding? I don't feel right just spending it. It has to go somewhere good. What will I do? I know. I'll ask God.

Lots & lots of love
Mandy xx